The United States of Tudor

"I recall when our lives were unusual and electric. When we burned with something close to fire. But now we sway to a different rhythm. Lives lived without meaning or even directed hope. The passage of time measured only by loss. Loss of a job, loss of a minivan... a son."

"There's another thing to learn about tears, they can't make somebody who doesn't love you any more love you again. It's the same with prayers. I wonder how much of their lives people waste crying and praying to God. If you ask me, the devil makes more sense than God does. I can at least see why people would want him around. It's good to have somebody to blame for the bad stuff they do. Maybe God's there because people get scared of all the bad stuff they do. They figure that God and the Devil are always playing this game of tug-of-war with them. And they never know which side they're gonna wind up on. I guess that tug-of-war idea explains how sometimes, even when people try to do something good, it still turns out bad." (The United States of Leland)

I recall the days when I'd imagine myself saying "Hi! My name is Tudor and I'm here to change the world". I'm here to change the way people think, to make the world a better place. Call me a hippie if it makes you feel better. I don't know...I guess it's just sad to see people building walls between them, artificial/superficial walls, bounderies, not beeing..as they used to be..

...the days when I'd imagine myself just like in the movies, having a happy life in a happy family, with happy friends and all that junk. Oh, and a happy girlfriend, right, let's not forget that. I'd imagine all that and it'd feel good for a few moments. Then it would all disappear in thin air, boom! snap back to reality and face the facts. There is no perfect human being, a physical and mental flawless person, male or female. There is no perfect family. There are no perfect people to be your friends. There is no perfect relationship.

Hi! My name is Tudor and I'm here to change your mentality.

Ce ai?

-Ce ai?

-N-am nimic!

-Hai mai, de ce esti nervos?

-De ce sunt nervos? pai hai sa-ti zic de ce sunt nervos...sunt nervos pentru ca imi vine sa te sarut si nu pot. Pentru ca imi vine sa te imbratisez si nu pot. Pentru ca daca nu te vad, nu e bine; daca te vad, nu e bine. Pentru ca daca ma port frumos nu e bine, daca ma port urat iar nu e bine. Pentru ca te-as cuprinde in sarutari si imbratisari 24 de ore pe zi, 7 zile din 7. Si nu pot. Pentru ca as vrea sa adorm langa tine si sa ma trezesc langa tine si nu pot. Pentru ca as vrea chipul tau sa fie primul pe care-l vad in fiecare zi, inaintea tuturora. Si nu pot. Pentru ca ti-as indeplini fantezia de a fuma o tigara in pat dupa ce te trezesti. Si nu pot. Pentru ca simt ceva si nu pot sa exprim. Nu ma lasi.

Tu ce ai?

Here we go again...

"For most problems the Marine is issued a solution. If ill, go to sickbay. If wounded, call a Corpsman. If dead, report to graves registration. If losing his mind, however, no standard solution exists."

Jarhead

The wishing pool

Hi! I'm your wishing pool. Place a quarter for every wish that you may have...

I wish my leg would heal

I wish my computer wouldn't get broken every now and then

I wish I'd get along as I'm supposed to with my mom

I wish my grandparents would be more open-minded

I wish my friends would all have happy lives like I don't, so they'd be around to encourage me when things aren't going the way they should

I wish..matters of the heart wouldn't be so complicated

I wish I wasn't surrounded by girls/women, if 80% of them are either undecided, don't take things seriously or think this is a game

I wish I didn't have to listen to my ex talking about her new boyfriend, not because I'm jealous, well, actually, maybe because I'm a bit jealous, maybe because I still care about her in a way, or maybe just because the natural/normal question pops into my head.."why couldn't it be the same way with me"

I wish certain people would be closer to me, because distance is a big problem nowadays

I wish more and more people would just say what's on their mind without having to control their words, their feelings, themselves

I wish I could kiss that someone whenever I feel like it, without having to...you've guessed it.. control myself

I wish I didn't have to write on this blog and just speak to the persons at hand, but considering the forementioned facts, that most people don't take things seriously or just..don't wanna listen/talk about it, it's quite difficult to even try such a courageous act...

I wish some people were a little bit more down-to-earth than they are now

I wish I'd start a fight club, without the project mayhem part

I wish I didn't see things in the Leland P. Fitzgerald way (google the name if you don't know what I'm talking 'bout)

I wish I was a kid again.

How many quarters is that again?

Epilog/Hai-hui prin Arad

Cica s-a dus un an de facultate...un an in care am invatat multe (si nu ma refer la informatii de la scoala, ci la experiente de viata). Am invatat (oare) sa iubesc, am invatat sa simt, am invatat sa traiesc. Am invatat ca nu e bine sa crezi orbeste in oameni, dar mai recent am invatat si ca e bine sa le acorzi o sansa. Ca binele primeaza in natura omului, indiferent de ce s-ar zice.

Am incheiat anul cu un drum pana la Arad. De ce tocmai pana acolo? Pentru ca am hotarat sa(-mi) acord o sansa. Am hotarat ca merita incercat. Am hotarat ca n-am nimic de pierdut. Si am avut dreptate. Au fost poate cele mai frumoase 2 zile din anul asta. De ce? Pentru ca am fost un tanar indragostit lulea timp de 2 zile. Pentru ca am trait ce/cum n-am mai trait de mult timp. Pentru ca m-am simtit din nou ca un pusti de 14 ani ce nutreste sentimente pentru o fata pentru prima oara. Si e o senzatie de 5 stele. Nu regret pentru nici o clipa ca am ales sa merg pana acolo, si de mi s-ar ivi ocazia, as face-o din nou. Am invatat ca nu e bine sa te iei dupa gura oamenilor, ca nu trebuie sa-ti fie teama de nou, ca nu trebuie sa te iei dupa zvonuri. Trebuie sa treci prin viata cu propriile-ti forte si nu luandu-te dupa "calauze", decat daca acestea chiar stiu despre ce vorbesc. Iti multumesc pentru ca mi-ai deschis ochii si inima!

Acum tot ce ramane e o dorinta, o amintire, o poveste, o prietenie. Dar ce prietenie!

A warrior's code

My heart is weak. My mind is troubled. I look at these two hands which have defeated many foes so far, and yet, they cannot feel a woman's touch. When the battle is over, I cannot return home to my beloved one to hear her whispering in my ears soft words that make my heart crumble and rebuild itself with joy instantly. I cannot return home to my child, and teach him/her how to do battle...with life. Life is a continuous fight, and we are all its warriors.
Whatever they say, men need women, regardless if they want to admit it or not. They provide us with what we cannot provide for ourselves at the end of the day...a soft kiss, a warm touch, a strong hug. They are the fuel which keeps us going, keeps us fighting.
At the end of the day, the battle wages on. And although I do not have you by my side, I will search for you. I will find you. I will be complete.

Hotul

M-ai prins furand. Ce rusine...imi vedeam de ale mele, furandu-ti cate o privire, cate un zambet, in zilele bune chiar si o imbratisare. Si era bine. Eram multumit de mine, desi ca orice hot, simteam o sete de mai mult.
Dar m-ai prins. Acum nu mai pot face nimic. Soarta mea e in mainile tale. De ma vei vrea intemnitat intr-un colt al inimii, acolo voi ramane sa putrezesc, sa ma transform intr-o amintire si sa pier odata cu trecerea timpului. De ma vei vrea incoronat peste al tau regat, desi stapan peste toate, al tau supus voi ramane in continuare, indiferent de statut.
Ce vei face mai departe?